when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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