why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
