She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
