I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
