woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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