God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!†In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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