im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
