Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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