I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
