Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
