are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
