you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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