Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
