i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
