we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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