it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
