I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I checked into jail on foursquare
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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