Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
