I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
