The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
