Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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