so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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