Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
