dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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