You can't motorboat a personality
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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