Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
