We're facebook friends in real life
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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