Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
