rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
