i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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