And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
