i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
