I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
