I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
