That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
