So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
