I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
