my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
