For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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