Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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