I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
