i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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