So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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