I think im going to throw up on grandma
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
