My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
