He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
