Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
