Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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