is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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