my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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