dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
