Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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