I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
