one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
