I met the friendliest cop last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I came so hard my ears popped.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
