i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
