Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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