Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
