Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
