Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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