I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I supernannyed him into submission
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
