Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He has the fingertips of a God
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
