I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
