I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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