I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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