Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
