did you get engaged???
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
