i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
