After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
